


So, we might be stuck here for a while

by toflowerknights



Series: i knew you from before [2]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: M/M, but both are stupid and blind, finn is stupidly in love i hate myself, this will take a while to unfold let me tell you, who am i kidding bellamy is in love as well
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-01
Updated: 2014-08-11
Packaged: 2018-02-06 22:57:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 9
Words: 13,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1875633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/toflowerknights/pseuds/toflowerknights
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They were completely alone. Wounded and with no idea if their friends were still alive.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. looks like we're alone

**Author's Note:**

> companion piece to _Honey, you feel good to me_ and everything in this series is obviously what really happened.

They got away. Finn didn't know how, but they did. And what's even stranger is that they survived. Bellamy, who had been half unconscious by the time Finn got to him had pulled himself up on all fours and crawled for cover with Finn right behind him. And not a moment too late. The second Finn had ducked underneath the big rock Bellamy had hid under the world around them turned white. Finn was aware of two things. The heat and Bellamy's hand wrapped in his jacket, pulling him close. He tried to make himself as small as possible, instinctively hiding his face against Bellamy's chest.

What happened next confused Finn. There was footsteps coming from the forest, fast and certain, and they were heading straight for the camp. Then there was screaming. Finn tried to crawl out from underneath the rock, but Bellamy's grip on his jacket was too tight. "Don't," he whispered against Finn's hair. "We can't help anyone right now."

Finn tried to fight back, but Bellamy's resolve was unyielding. Helpless he saw bodies being carried away and he couldn't help but imagine Clarke's blonde hair, or Jasper's goggles or Raven's red jacket. He wondered if she was still alive.

When they were certain that they were completely alone they left. The camp was surely compromised and they had to get away.

They somehow found water. Finn nearly drowned himself in his hurry to clean the dirt and blood and ashes off himself. Bellamy only shook his head as he half lay, half sat at the edge of the pond and dipped his hands in the clear water with a grimace of pain. Finn sunk his head under the water and tried to clear his mind. The water felt cool and calming against his skin and it helped him focus. He sorted through everything that had happened that night. And what they had seen that morning.

"Do you think they're still alive?" he asked quietly. Bellamy's head snapped up and he looked accusingly at Finn.

"We couldn't have done anything for them before," he said angrily. "You're hurt and I'm..." He trailed off but Finn could see everything he didn't want to say. _I'm useless, I'm no good, I can't help you_. All of which was right. Finn had had to support Bellamy the whole time they were walking cause Bellamy's legs wouldn't carry him. Finn shook his head at Bellamy's attack.

"I didn't ask that, I asked if you thought they're still alive."

Bellamy closed his mouth and his face smoothed out into a stony facade. He picked at the hem of his shirt as he thought over the inevitable. "I don't know," he said at last. "I mean, I got Octavia away before the blast, but the rest..." He snapped his mouth shut as if the rest of that sentence hurt him physically. They sat in silence for a while. Bellamy with his feet in the lake and Finn drying off on the big rock next to him. Bellamy had his back against Finn and that gave Finn plenty of time to study him in peace. 

He hadn't allowed himself to look too close, afraid of what he might find. There was so little left of what he remembered Bellamy being like, but sometimes, when he _did_ look he could see traces, shivers of the boy he once knew.

Bellamy's hair still curled at the nape of his neck, and every once in a while he would drag his hand through them to smooth them out. He bit the inside of his cheek to hide the fact that he was nervous. He paced a lot. All things that Finn had noticed on the ark. He had noticed everything about Bellamy. But it was only after... after, that he found out that Bellamy's hands were soft despite the fact that he wasn't privileged. Or that he had a scar behind his ear from what had to be a bad fall as a child. Finn could go on, but that would mean that he would have to dig up everything he had once buried.

There was a loud coughing and Finn was snapped back to reality. Bellamy was looking at him questioningly. "What?" Finn asked casually, as if he hadn't been caught staring. Bellamy shook his head.

"I asked if you wanted to go back to the drop ship," he said and Finn sat up straight with a frown on his face.

"No," he said after a while. "I don't think that's a good idea. They could be watching. And I'm..." _not ready_. Bellamy nodded in understanding and once more they fell into silence. Finn leaned his head back against the sun and tried to keep evil thoughts at bay. The sun warmed his cool skin and out of the corner of his eye he could see Bellamy trail his eyes over his body. The thought made him smile.

-

"I have to look for Octavia," Bellamy said quietly. They were still sitting by the lake, now with a small fire between them. Night had set over them and Finn was shivering slightly from the chilly air. He looked attentively at Bellamy who sat somber in front of him. "When I get better I need to find her." He sounded bitter and he was subconsciously hitting himself over his injured leg. Finn wondered if he was punishing himself for losing her again.

"Sure," he nodded. "Tomorrow we'll go back to the drop ship. We won't survive long without supplies. Hopefully there's still some medicine left for your leg and we'll stay there until you can walk without help. Then we'll find Octavia."

Bellamy looked at him in surprise, as if he hadn't expected any help. Finn just shrugged to not make a big deal out of it. It earned him a small, hidden smile and he counted it a victory. They watched the fire burn for a while and for the first time since they had arrived to earth Finn didn't feel awkward around Bellamy. It was nice, just sitting there without the need to talk. 

Which obviously made him decide to ruin it.

"I still remember the first time we met..." he blurted out. "When we, you know."

That had Bellamy snap his head up so fast Finn was sure he heard his neck crack. Bellamy's eyes were on him and he immediately regretted saying anything. They had some unspoken agreement that they hadn't known each other before and Finn had, without a doubt, ruined any progress in their slowly starting friendship. "Fuck, I mean... Forget I said anything."

He stared into the fire stubbornly and refused to let his gaze flicker, even once. He felt tiredness build and he let out a big jawn. He rubbed his eyes and then wrapped his arms tighter around him. 

"Go to sleep."

He looked at Bellamy with confusion. Bellamy had a stony mask on and didn't let anything show. "Sleep," he repeated. "I'll take first watch." Finn couldn't find any reason to object so he curled up on the ground in front of the fire and tried to get as warm as possible. He fell asleep within minutes.

In the middle of the night he woke up to find Bellamy curl up behind him. "It's warmer if we huddle together," Bellamy whispered and sneaked an arm around Finn's waist. When he woke up he was pretty sure it had all been a dream cause Bellamy was on the other side of the fire chewing on some berries. He didn't say anything and Finn didn't ask.


	2. you're starting to feel like home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They find their home, and some safety.

They had both dreaded to go back to the drop ship. Finn had walked extra slow, heavy with Bellamy's extra weight, and Bellamy hadn't encouraged him to fasten his pace. Halfway back Finn could start to see the torched part of the forest that indicated where their home had been. Bellamy stumbled slightly and his grip around Finn's shoulder tightened drastically. He mumbled out an apology, but Finn only pulled his arm tighter around Bellamy's waist and grabbed his hand for support. They didn't say anything else.

The ground was falling to dust beneath him and with every step he took there was a cloud of smoke trailing his footprints. Everything was dead. The green and lively earth that had surrounded them for the weeks they had lived here was now black and broken. Bellamy dug his fingers into Finn's shoulder and Finn subconsciously rubbed the roof of his hand for comfort.

They slowed down even more when the drop ship came into view. The cold grey metal seemed much more at home in the middle of the destruction it had left behind. Burned bodies were scattered on the ground and Finn felt a big lump build in his throat. He wondered how many of the dead bodies had been people he had talked to. How many of them had been people he had joked with or considered his friend. No word was uttered.

Finn could feel his heartbeat hammer against his chest when they walked through the broken gate. He somehow expected that they would be killed on the spot, but when nothing happened for a few moments he relaxed slightly. He felt Bellamy tug at his hand and Finn reluctantly let him go. Bellamy limped slowly across the dirt toward the drop ship and his hand on the machine gun they hadn't let out of their sights was trembling. Finn never knew what to do when Bellamy acted like he didn't know what he was doing. He had always had this picture in his mind of what Bellamy was like and when he was proven wrong the image got twisted right around. He found that he liked it. He liked being proven wrong, that Bellamy was a mystery.

He walked up to Bellamy and hesitated before placing a hand on the small of his back. Bellamy looked at him, but it wasn't hostile, so Finn felt comfortable enough to keep it there. He lead them into the drop ship and tried not to notice the blood on the floor. He wondered whose it was. He walked around with heavy steps that echoed in the silence. It was confusing to see it so empty. He was so used to see Clarke care for someone in a corner, or Jasper and Monty throw something across the space or Raven stick her head out from the engine.

Suddenly the drop ship seemed way too big.

He heard a muffled groan behind him and when he looked back he saw Bellamy sit down with a pained grimace. Finn hurried up to him and kneeled down in front of him. "Are you alright?" he asked worriedly and removed the torn fabric of Bellamy's pants. The wound looked nasty, probably about to get infected, and Finn didn't know what to do. "I'm a little out of my depth here," he admitted and looked helplessly up at Bellamy. "I don't know what to do, I was never good in Healing..." he trailed off and desperately wished Clarke was there. She probably would've saved Bellamy by now instead of wasting time talking. He felt a heavy hand on his shoulder.

"It's fine," Bellamy said quietly. "It doesn't hurt that much." Finn huffed in disbelief. "Alright, so it doesn't hurt as bad as it could. And you said we should look for medicine. Clarke kept some on the upper floor. Can you... Would you look if there's anything there?" Finn nodded slowly and got up from his kneeling position. The place where Bellamy's hand had been felt cold.

He climbed the ladder up to the second level and fixed his eyes on the small corner where Clarke had placed all the medicine they had. He hurried over and grabbed everything he could. He stuffed his pockets full and then quickly climbed back down to Bellamy. "I grabbed everything," he said and spread it out over the floor. "Do you have any idea what would help? Fuck, I don't... I don't know."

"Finn," Bellamy said sharply. "I'm fine, just breathe." He looked scared, and that scared Finn even more. "Just... give me that jar over there." He pointed to his right and Finn grabbed a small jar filled with light green salve. Bellamy smelled it and made a face. Then he scooped some up and put it over his wound. "Clarke told me what the different things were for," he said quietly and bit his lip to conceal his pain. "In case she would... you know." Finn only nodded dumbly and watched as Bellamy tended to his leg. When the jar was empty he put it down and looked at Finn with a contemplating gaze.

"Hand me that one," he said and pointed and Finn complied. The salve was a faint yellow this time. He dipped his finger in it and looked intensely at Finn. "Sit still," he said and that was all the warning he got before Bellamy reached out and gently swiped his finger over Finn's cheek. Finn startled but Bellamy looked at him pointedly and that made him relax his posture. "You have a scratch on your chin," Bellamy said casually, but Finn couldn't help but notice how his finger strayed on his skin. "This will help it heal faster." To be honest Finn had forgotten all about it. All that had mattered these past two days was that Bellamy was alright. Finn touched his scratch absentmindedly and looked at Bellamy with wonder.

He fixed his eyes on Bellamy's neck and winced when he saw the bruising left by the noose Murphy had had him hang from. "Do you have anything for that?" he asked with a nod and Bellamy's jaw tightened. "It'll heal on its own, don't worry," he said shortly and that was the end to that conversation. Finn started to gather all the medicine together, but from the corner of his eye he could see Bellamy trace over the bruises with gentle fingers.

Whoever it was that had taken their friends they had little interest in anything else on the drop ship. All the food and water they had stashed away was still there and they gratefully opened the packages before they dug in. They didn't say much, but Finn found comfort in the silence anyway. After dinner they decided that they would stay here until Bellamy's leg had healed. Or until he could walk on his own, as Bellamy put it. They locked the door to the drop ship and leaned against the opposite wall, gun between them. Bellamy had counted their bullets earlier. There was only a handful left would be useless against pretty much everything. But still, it felt safer than nothing at all. Finn felt sleep creep up on him and he pushed himself off the wall and laid down on the floor. 

Once again he woke to the feeling of Bellamy laying down behind him. 

This time though Bellamy didn't say a word. He just pulled Finn close with a hand over his chest. Finn wondered if he could feel his heart beating a thousand miles a minute under his fingertips or not. He wondered if Bellamy knew that he was awake, and if he didn't, what would happen if he did. But he wasn't ready to take the chance of ruining it. Not yet. Bellamy's mouth caressed the nape of Finn's neck and Finn had to bite his lip hard enough to hurt to stay quiet.

The rebellious side of him, and the one that got him sent to jail, wanted to at least tip toe on the edge of risk for a while. So as casually, and subtly, as he could he searched his hand up his body until it touched Bellamy's. Carefully he threaded his own fingers around the long, soft fingers resting over his heart and he could feel the pounding of Bellamy's heart against his back. He squeezed Bellamy's hand tighter and contently went back to sleep.


	3. the space around us seems bigger when we're apart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time passes slowly, but somehow that's okay

Finn woke up with Bellamy still wrapped up around him. His fingers were buzzing slightly and he was distracted by Bellamy's breath on his neck. Finn didn't want to move, but he realised that it would be easier if he was at a safe distance when Bellamy woke up. He started to carefully release Bellamy's hand from his grip and he gracefully rolled out from under the arm that had kept him warm. He was dizzy from sleep and on edge by the constant fear that someone would attack. He grabbed the gun that was on Bellamy's right and held it in a secure grip. He opened the door to the drop ship and aimed the gun toward the opening. He poked his head out from the sheets and sighed in relief when he determined that they were alone.

He cast a glance back at Bellamy. He was still sound asleep and Finn felt that it was safe enough to venture outside. The sight that met him still shook him to the bones. He had never been one for violence up on the ark and he wondered when it had started to feel so natural to him. He wondered how many people he had killed just a few days ago and decided that it was best not to think about it. That was the stuff of nightmares.

He walked outside their perimeter and breathed in the clean air. He walked in a wide circle to see if he could find something for them to eat, but as he feared they had wiped that part of the forest clean.

" _Finn?_ "

Finn spun around to where the sound was coming from. Bellamy called out again, panic more evident, and Finn set off in a sprint not caring who he might attract. He jumped over a fallen, burned down tree, gun ready to shoot and then he was inside the wall.

"What?" he asked Bellamy, who was grabbing the sheets hanging in the opening to the drop ship for support. He looked around for the sight of someone or something unwelcome and turned to face Bellamy. Bellamy, who had sounded frightened, was now glaring at him in rage.

"Where the fuck were you?" he shouted. "Why would you even think of going off alone? What if someone had grabbed you? What if you died and I was..." he stopped abruptly and Finn gaped at him. He lowered the gun and scratched the back of his neck awkwardly.

"I'm... sorry?" he offered but Bellamy was already inside. He followed sheepishly and felt small tingles of guilt echo through his body. Bellamy was sitting on a box that once had contained the trip berries and rubbed his forehead.

"We don't go anywhere alone, ok?" he said roughly and Finn wondered when Bellamy had started to care. "We can't afford to be on our own. If anything happens to either of us the other is as good as dead. You got it?" Finn nodded dumbly and put the gun down against the wall. 

Bellamy didn't say a word to him for the rest of the day. 

But that night he still wrapped his arms around Finn and he smelled like safety. Even though the fingers that wrapped themselves into Finn's shirt clung to him like fear.

-

Things calmed down considerably for the next couple of days. Every morning Finn would tend to Bellamy's leg, and Bellamy would see if his leg would support him. Every day there was disappointment and Finn could see the strain the injury had on Bellamy. He was losing patience and losing hope. They didn't talk much, but when they did Bellamy always ended with the same thing. ' _I gotta find Octavia._ ' 

They didn't talk about the others from their group. Finn found that he didn't want to know what had happened. Didn't know which of the hundred scenarios was worse. All of them left a sour taste in the roof of his mouth and a sad clench around his heart.

At the moment Finn was watching Bellamy take careful steps across the floor and growing more angry by the minute. "It doesn't fucking work," he shouted and the words echoed against the metal. He punched the wall for good measure and grunted in pain when he twisted his leg. Finn was there in an instant, supporting him. He pulled Bellamy upright and kept a firm grip on his arms.

"You can't force it, Bellamy," he said steadily. He rubbed his thumb back and forth across Bellamy's biceps and tried to ignore the hot, flushed feeling spreading through his chest. He had read an old book once where a girl had loved a boy and and she felt like she was walking on air every time they touched. Finn tried to ignore the fact that he understood what she was talking about. He took a step back, momentarily forgetting that he was supporting Bellamy's weight as well as his own, and stumbled under the pressure.

He regained his balance just as Bellamy grabbed his waist for support and when they straightened their posture Bellamy was all of a sudden to close for comfort. He was no more than a couple of inches away from his face and his body was flush against Finn's. Finn let go of Bellamy's arm and without a thought reached up to caress Bellamy's cheek. Bellamy was frozen in place, only his eyes moving from Finn's eyes to his lips, then back. His eyes were dark and Finn wished he could see what he was thinking. He let his fingers curl in the locks of Bellamy's hair and Bellamy's eyes fluttered shut. It would be so easy to just...

As if Bellamy could sense what he was thinking his eyes flew open and he took a step back. He cleared his throat and Finn immediately let him go. He tried to find something to do with his hands but they hung limply at his side. They seemed so heavy all of a sudden.

Bellamy wasn't looking at him, and somehow Finn felt like it was better that way. His mind was spinning with thoughts and his heart battled his mind with feelings that were out of control. He rubbed his mouth subconsciously and went to get them some food. It was better than doing nothing. He handed Bellamy a pack of the same roots they had been eating for the past five days and he wished for the bland meals they would get up on the ark. They ate in silence and the rest of the day they kept a considerable distance from each other.

Their routine started every morning with them testing Bellamy's leg. And every night they ended with him in Bellamy's arms.


	4. didn't it feel better when we were alone?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone's coming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i write too much

When Finn woke up it was instantaneous. He was met with a nose bumping into his cheek and got uncomfortably aware that he had somehow turned around in his sleep and was now facing Bellamy. His face was a blurry map of freckles and eyelashes that caressed his cheek. Finn hadn't slept this good since before they were sent to earth. He couldn't help but lie perfectly still for a while. He knew he should move away, but he couldn't find it in himself to care. Bellamy's breath was hot against his cheek. It made his hair float for a moment, before it slowly sunk back down. It made Finn smile.

"You're staring." The words made Finn reel back slightly and he ducked his head in embarrassment.

"I didn't know you were awake," he said quietly and felt really stupid. Bellamy was looking at him with sleepy eyes and he had an amused smile on his face. "So it was okay to stare when you thought I was sleeping?" he said and Finn felt the corner of his mouth stretch into a wide smile. That's when the reason he woke up so fast made itself known.

There was someone outside the drop ship.

He was on his feet in an instant. "Someone's here," he hissed and grabbed the gun. He raised it to aim at the door while Bellamy struggled to get on his feet. Voices could be heard, more than one. Then there was a banging on the wall that echoed through the drop ship. Bellamy stumbled toward the door and grabbed the handle with a determined look at Finn. With a nod he pulled the handle down and the door opened. Finn walked out from behind the sheets, ready to shoot. He made sure that Bellamy was right behind him and out of harms way. Bellamy grabbed his shoulder for support and together the made their way forward.

There was around fifty people outside. When they saw the gun they stopped talking amongst themselves and nervously took a step back. At the front a woman and a man stood shoulder to shoulder with concerned, but hopeful, looks on their faces. Finn thought there was something familiar about the woman. She smiled invitingly at them and raised her hands in surrender. 

"We're survivors from the Ark," she said clearly and Finn felt Bellamy's grip on his shoulder tighten. "Are there more people inside?"

Finn kept his grip on the gun firm and Bellamy took one step to the side so that he was on the same height as Finn. He never once let go of Finn's shoulder. "What's it to you?" he asked. 

"My daughter was on the ship," she answered. "I just want to see her. Please, let me see her." Something in her voice felt familiar to Finn. The way she spoke, the way she moved her lips. It was as if they'd met before.

"I don't mean to be rude or anything, but we don't even know you, lady," Bellamy sneered. "We're not letting you anywhere near this drop ship." He took one painful step forward and Finn hissed for him to get back. His grip on the gun faltered slightly as he took a hold of Bellamy's arm to pull him back. The woman smiled patiently. "You're hurt. Both of you. I'm a doctor. Let me help you." She took one step forward and Finn raised the gun high once more.

"Stay where you are or I swear I will shoot," he said sharply and he could hear nervous murmurs spread through the crowd. He didn't like what was happening, mind too wired to search for threats. And all he could see was danger. He didn't know these people, and he sure as hell didn't trust them. And in the corner of his eye he could see Bellamy and he knew he was feeling the same thing.

"Look," she said, her arms raised once more. "My name is Abby, I just want to talk to my daughter. She'll tell you I don't mean any harm."

"Abby?" Bellamy asked in surprise. "Clarke's mother?" They could both see Abby's eyes fill with hope. "Yes, Clarke. Is she here? I need to talk to her!"

Finn cast a sideways glance at Bellamy, who looked back with a pained look on his face. Finn contemplated how much they should tell her. They didn't owe her anything. To be honest, she was the reason they were in this situation in the first place. "We don't know where Clarke is," he said finally. Abby's face fell and the man next to her, Marcus Kane Finn realised, grabbed her arm in comfort. "We don't know where anyone is. It's just us."

Abby stood silent and as still as stone. "What happened to the rest of the kids?" Kane asked instead. "How come you're still here?"

"There was a fight," Finn said lowly. "Grounders came to kill us and... Clarke had the idea to use the rocket fuel to burn them down. We were outside the drop ship when it happened and ducked for cover. When they came out from the drop ship they were taken. We've been alone ever since." 

Abby leaned down to support herself on her legs. She breathed heavily and had her eyes pressed close. It looked as if she was about to cry. It seemed as if all life had drained from her. The crowd was getting restless and that made Finn wary. He put his finger on the trigger. "Look, we wish we could help, but there really is nothing we can do. We just want to be left alone."

"Alone?" Kane asked. He had a surprised look on his face and walked closer. Finn made a sound of protest and Kane got the point perfectly. "Kid, you're not alone anymore. The Ark is on the ground and so is your people."

"My people were taken by mountain men," Finn interrupted loudly. "You're not my people. You sent us down here to die and thanks to you most of us have. This is our land, our drop ship, _our_ home. We've survived this long without your help."

Finn saw that this clearly wasn't the way either Abby or Kane had thought this would go down. Kane had pinched his lips together and he looked like he was sucking on something sour. Finn remembered him more clearly now. He was one of the men that had caught him when he was on his space walk. He had looked just as pissed off then as he did now.

"You're Bellamy Blake, are you not?" Kane said and fixed his eyes on Bellamy. Bellamy's hand tightened slightly, but his face remained blank.

"And if I was? It doesn't make any difference from what Fi- he said. We don't want you here." Finn felt warmth spread through his chest and he gave Bellamy a small smile. Abby seemed to have regained some strength and she nodded understandingly at them.

"We understand how you feel," she said and took a small step backward. "You don't owe us anything, least of all your trust. We will stay close by, if that's alright. There's safety in numbers after all and if it's possible I would like to speak to you more. Alone."

Bellamy scoffed loudly and the sound made Abby flinch. Finn mulled it over for a while and turned slightly to face Bellamy. "They won't get on the drop ship," he said quietly. "But it can't hurt to talk to her. It's Clarke's mother. She helped save my life."

"Yeah, as did I," Bellamy retorted. "That doesn't mean that you should hand out friendship bracelets to everyone that's kept you alive." There was something dark behind his eyes and Finn couldn't help but smile. He elbowed him slightly in the side. "Don't be such a-"

"What?" Bellamy interrupted, but there was a small smile on his face. "We don't know her. I don't care if she's Clarke's mum. As she said, we don't owe her anything."

"I know," Finn said. "But I'm curious. Aren't you curious?" He looked at Bellamy a while longer, never once letting his grip on the gun falter. He could see Bellamy's resolve crumble and he turned to Abby with a wide smile.

"Abby Griffin, you are hereby invited onto the drop ship. If anyone tries to follow you I will shoot you and then them. Understood?"

Abby nodded quietly and took a shaky step forward. Kane grabbed ahold of her arm once more and looked at him and Bellamy with a stern look on his face. "I want to come as well," he said and Finn shook his head.

"That's not the deal," he said and cocked his gun. "Abby comes alone, we talk and then you're off."

Abby was up on the metal ledge and walked past them without a single glance back. Bellamy and Finn backed up off the ledge and into the drop ship before shutting the door. They turned around to face Abby and she was wringing her hands worriedly. "Do you know where my daughter is?" she asked them immediately and sat down. "Where you telling the truth back there?"

"We don't know where Clarke is," Bellamy replied gruffly. "How many of you made it to the ground?"

"We were separated," Abby answered. "We are sixty eight here, but there could be more. You were talking about mountain men? What does that mean?" 

"Grounders," Finn said wearily. "were talking about men coming form the mountains to set things right. To keep them in check if they couldn't end the war with us. When Bel- when we were hiding we saw masked men carry them away. That was about a week ago."

Abby took in the information and nodded thoughtfully. She looked at Finn with blank eyes and took a shivering breath. "Is there any way we could find her?" she whispered and Finn felt bad for her. From what Raven had told him she had fought tooth and nail to get to earth and her daughter only to have that taken away from her.

"We don't know," he said honestly. Abby nodded in acceptance. That also seemed to end their conversation. She clapped her hands once and jumped up on her feet. "Thank you for your honesty," she said earnestly. "I understand if you don't want us here but I would really prefer it if we all stayed together. You need more people and we could use your knowledge to survive." 

Finn looked at Bellamy questioningly. They stood in silence for a while and together went through their options. There was a lot of shrugs and hushed whispers traded before they finally made up their mind. Finn hiked up the gun higher on his shoulder.

"Your people can have this floor," Bellamy said lowly. "Me and Finn will take the second floor. It closes from our side, so you can't come up unless we want it." Finn felt a shiver run down his spine at the way Bellamy's mouth curled around his name and he nodded in agreement toward Abby.

"Finn?" she asked and Finn raised his eyebrows in question. Abby took in his appearance and looked searchingly at him. "I'm glad you survived," Abby said finally. "Your girlfriend was a strong person and she couldn't wait to get down here to you." Finn felt a sting of guilt but it was interrupted by Bellamy's harsh laugh.

"Abby, let's just agree that a lot has happened since you sent us down here," he said and there was something like jealousy colouring his words. "We're letting you stay here for now, but that doesn't mean that we can't change our minds." Finn reached out a hand to grab at Bellamy's sleeve. "Bellamy, let's just go up," he whispered and Bellamy's turned his head to look at him. His eyes softened and he nodded slowly. They began to climb up the ladder, Bellamy panting slightly from the pain in his leg and Finn felt bad for him.

"Don't forget to lock that again," he said to Abby and nodded toward the door. "If someone comes in we won't save you." He didn't doubt that Abby understood that he was serious.

He closed the hatch between them and the outsiders and turned to look at Bellamy. "Are you okay?" he asked and when Bellamy didn't answer at once he nodded toward Bellamy's leg. Bellamy shrugged quietly and pushed himself back against the wall.

"Do you think we did the right choice?" he asked hoarsely and Finn honestly didn't know.

"I don't think they would have left us alone even if we threatened them more than we did," he answered. "At least this way we know where they are." Bellamy hummed in agreement and scooted down so that he was laying on his back. Finn watched him for a moment, mind working on full speed, before he walked up and laid down next to Bellamy. They weren't close enough to touch but to Finn it was enough. The floor vibrated as the people from the Ark came into the drop ship and he closed his eyes in resignation. They laid there, completely silent while their home was being invaded by strangers and Finn felt extremely vulnerable.

The sky was soft pink outside as Finn looked through the whole Murphy had blasted through the wall. The hours had passed faster than he had thought. "We can leave whenever we want," he said quietly. "Your leg is getting better. Just tell me when and we'll find Octavia." He looked to his left and found Bellamy looking back. He couldn't decipher the emotions swimming behind Bellamy's eyes but the thought didn't bother Finn as much as it once had done.

"Thank you," Bellamy whispered and Finn only smiled in reply. Bellamy scooted closer and rested his head on Finn's shoulder. With a little maneuvering Finn got his arm under Bellamy's neck and within moments Bellamy was asleep. Finn's arm grew numb in less than three minutes, but he didn't mind. Tomorrow they would come up with a plan. They'd be alright.


	5. where would i be if not right here?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You should go as well, if you don't want to see what your mission turned us into.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i updated the tags yo, things are getting serious.

It was awkward, sharing the drop ship with the people that had come down from the Ark. People that had shared the same space as them before. Finn recognised an old man that had lived two doors down from him and he had tried to approach Finn with a hopeful smile, but Finn had turned around to join Bellamy at the sidelines of their camp. The innocence of the newcomers bothered Finn. He was painfully aware that he had looked exactly the same the first time he had stepped onto the earth, but the joyous curiosity of everything around them was growing tiresome.

"Do you think we looked as idiotic?" Bellamy asked sourly while eating an apple. He was sitting down to rest his leg and Finn cast him a quick glance and smiled slightly.

"Probably not, seeing as we're not 80 year old men sniffing leafs," he replied and Bellamy let out a laugh. A group of people nearby looked at them with worry. Finn gave them a wide, crazed smile and they quickly looked away. Bellamy laughed harder.

"They're scared of the big bad criminals," he said and amusement was evident in his voice. He got up on his feet and slapped Finn on the arm lightly. The hand lingered, probably for support even though Bellamy's leg was nearly healed. "To think that Finn 'spacewalker' Collins would be one of the most dangerous people on earth."

Finn hummed noncommittally. "The gun probably helps," he said and gripped it harder. Bellamy looked at him thoughtfully and Finn found himself unable to look away. He had kind of given up on that by now, to be honest. They didn't say anything and was too enraptured with each other to notice Abby walk up to them.

"Gentlemen," she said and both of them scoffed loudly. She smiled tensely at them and cleared her throat. Her eyes were fixed on the gun and Finn sighed before easing up on the grip. He wondered when it had become so easy to carry.

"What can we do for you, Abby," Bellamy said with so much false politeness Finn had to stifle a laugh. Abby paid them no mind. "I was wondering if you could show me the way to the bunker where you found that," she said and nodded toward the gun in Finn's hands. Finn's grip tightened.

"And why would we do that?" Bellamy asked, all politeness gone. Abby looked at him with steely eyes and straightened her back.

"If the things you've told me are true we need protection," she said. "And there might be more than just guns. Did you see any medicine, food, anything at all?" Finn turned around and looked at Bellamy questioningly. Bellamy shook his head. "We didn't have the time to look it through properly," he replied. "Things got in the way." Finn remembered a day filled with comforting people hallucinating and wondered if Bellamy had seen anything.

Suddenly there was a scream and when they looked toward where the screaming came from they saw a woman fall to the ground clasping her throat. Blood was pouring out and she was dead before she hit the ground. Then a man on her left fell as well. Then another. And another. Finn desperately searched for the reason why and raised his gun in defense. Bellamy elbowed him in the side and pointed up to a tree opposite them. Finn fixed the aim at the tree and saw a lone grounder shoot arrow after arrow. Finn took a deep breath and pulled the trigger.

The grounder fell to the ground. Finn took off into a sprint with Bellamy and Abby at his heels. He found the grounder trying to crawl away from the camp. Blood was pouring out from his leg where the bullet had hit and Finn was relieved that the man wasn't dead. He hit the man over the head with the gun and the grounder fell into a heap. He could hear people gasp around him and he looked up and found himself looking into Markus Kane's eyes.

"You," he said roughly, "Help me carry him." Kane hesitated for a moment and Finn could see him seek confirmation from Abby before he complied. Finn handed Bellamy the gun and grabbed the grounder by the arm with no second thoughts. Kane grabbed the other and together they pulled the unconscious man to the drop ship. Bellamy barked out orders left and right and the outsiders was in a panic over what had happened and it took Bellamy shouting at them to shut up for them to listen.

Finn was seriously impressed by the fact that they had gotten Lincoln up on the second floor while he had been unconscious, because when he and Kane was pushing him up the ladder it seemed close to impossible. Once they were up Bellamy handed him the seat belts they had used on Lincoln and tied him up in a similiar manner. Kane and Abby, as well as some other people, looked on mildly horrified.

Bellamy grabbed Finn's arm and pulled him close. "You don't have to be here for this," he said Finn felt his heart clench.

"Yes, I do," he said lowly. "I'm not leaving you alone."

There was something odd hiding behind Bellamy's eyes, but Finn didn't have time to ponder that at the moment. He turned to Abby and looked at her seriously. "Get your people downstairs," he said and Abby looked at him in confusion. "Finn," she began but Finn didn't have time.

"Look," he said roughly, "Things are about to get ugly, and if you want to maintain some sort of calm in your people you do as I say." Kane, who had watched the exchange with a grim expression on his face, stepped in. "What's going on?" he asked and Finn closed his eyes with a groan.

"We're about to find out just how much this grounder knows," Bellamy said darkly. He turned to face them and Finn hated the darkness that had taken over his face. "You should go as well, if you don't want to see what your mission turned us into."

The grounder was waking up and Abby turned to the outsiders and ordered them to get down on the lower floor. When the last person, except for her and Kane, was down she closed the hatch. Her lips were trembling slightly as she crossed her arms and nodded. "Well," she said. "How do we do this?"

Bellamy laughed lowly and turned to Finn. "Let's begin," he said.

Finn nodded and he already felt sick. Bellamy took a step forward and raised the gun. He landed a harsh blow to the wound on the grounder's leg. The grounder let out a piercing scream that echoed off the walls. Finn closed his eyes. There was no turning back. He opened his eyes and kept them firmly on the man in front of them, away from Abby and Kane. They waited until the grounder had stopped screaming before stepping forward.

"Why were you attacking us?" Bellamy asked clearly. "Why were you attacking us _alone_?"

The grounder spat on the ground in front of them and Bellamy turned to face Finn. "You know what, my bad, we should've started off smaller." With the handle of the rifle he struck the grounder across the face and with a sickening crunch his head flew back. Finn could hear the shocked gasps from Abby in the background, but he didn't let his focus shift.

"Where are our friends?" Bellamy shouted. "Where did the mountain men take them?"

The grounder didn't say anything. Bellamy kept asking him questions in between blows and Finn felt his head spin. He had heard what had happened to Lincoln, what they had done, but it wasn't the same as being in the middle of it. Finn felt a desperation he hadn't felt for weeks. Without a thought he grabbed a seat belt from a chair and pushed Bellamy out of the way. He struck the man across the chest and a red welt of blood bloomed up immediately.

"Where can we find the mountain men?" he asked loudly and struck again. The man in front of him screamed louder.

"Is this really the only way?" Abby whisper. Bellamy gave out a vicious growl and turned to face the two council members.

"You want to find your daughter?" Bellamy snarled and Abby was so shocked she took a step back. "This is how. He knows, and he will tell us!" He turned around to face the grounder again. "Where can we find the mountain men?" he said and the grounder shook his head.

"They will find you," he said hoarsely but Bellamy shook his head. Finn felt an anger he'd never felt before build up inside him. They were being played with, once again. Without a thought he dropped the belt and grabbed a pair of loose wires. Electricity sparked around him and before he could think too much he put them to the man's chest. A silent scream etched itself onto the grounder's lips. When Finn let him go he hung limply in his bonds.

"That's not what he asked," Finn said and raised the wires again. The grounder shook his head weakly.

"Mount..," he panted," Mount Weather. You find them in Mount Weather. Please..." Finn dropped wires as soon as the words had passed his lips. 

Bellamy looked at Abby with dark eyes. "There, you have your daughter. Now leave." Abby's eyes were blank but she nodded slowly. Her and Kane opened the hatch and climbed down to worried voices. Bellamy walked behind them and as soon as they were down he locked the hatch. The moment that was done he turned around and pulled Finn close. Finn felt the worn out material of his jacket against cheek and Bellamy's hand in his hair, but everything else was a blur.

"I'm sorry," Bellamy whispered against his hair. "You shouldn't have had... I should never have... I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Fuck, I'm so sorry, Finn."

Finn felt a sob threaten to break through so he cleared his throat loudly and pulled back from Bellamy's embrace. He studied Bellamy's face closely and saw a raw sadness that cut him to the bone. He didn't know what to do. The grounder hung limply to their right.

"Can we just leave now?" he whispered and Bellamy's eyebrows shot up in surprise. "Your leg is healed, right? You wanted to find Octavia. Let's leave and find Octavia now, please? I can't stand it amongst these people. It's not the same. Please?"

Bellamy's hand was apparently still in his hair because the grip tightened slightly. Finn held his breath as Bellamy thought through their options. Bellamy looked at him closely, as if he was searching for something special and Finn bit his lip in distress. "Okay," he said finally and Finn relaxed remarkably. "We'll leave now. Without anyone noticing." He nodded toward the hole in the wall and Finn smiled in gratitude. Together they put as much food and medicine as they could in a backpack and within minutes they down on the ground. Alone and, most importantly, together.


	6. you're starting to crumble beneath the palm of my hand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> reality kicks in.

Finn had been at Lincoln's cave more than once, but this time the walk there seemed to go on forever. They were slowed down by their packs and provisory weapons and their constant vigilance. Every broken twig or rustle of leafs made them stop. Finn knew they had to get to the cave before dark, but the constant fear of being caught exhausted him and slowed him down.

They trekked through the forest, doubled back twice, before they stopped for a quick break. "When we find Octavia," Finn said after taking a large sip from the water they had brought. "Will we go back and help Abby get Clarke and the other's back?"

Bellamy looked at him thoughtfully and wiped the sweat from his forehead. The sky was starting to turn a pale shade of pink and Finn knew they had to keep walking. But the light had contoured Bellamy's head like a halo and it made it hard to look away. "I guess so," he said slowly and bit his lip, "If they want our help. They didn't seem too impressed by us."

Finn snorted in amusement. "Really? Because they were very subtle about it." Bellamy grinned at him and held out his hand. In confusion Finn grabbed it and let out a surprised 'hey' when Bellamy pulled him up from the fallen trunk he had been sitting on. The sudden motion made him stumble slightly and he fell against Bellamy's chest, supported by Bellamy's hands on his arm. As he pulled back his nose bumped against Bellamy's and Bellamy's grip on his arms tightened.

The close proximity made Finn think back to a time before earth, before spacewalks, before Clarke or Raven. He swallowed loudly and looked dumbly into Bellamy's eyes. He felt Bellamy's breath on his lips and that made him blink and take a step back. The move made Bellamy shake his head and when Finn dared to look at him again Bellamy was already walking away. He sighed deeply and started following him, as always.

Finn found the trail he had followed when he was following Octavia a couple of hours later and they subconsciously sped up their pace. The cave came into view and Bellamy started running. "Octavia," he screamed, throwing all caution to the wind. " _Octavia_." He disappeared through the opening and Finn took longer strides to catch up. 

The cave was dark from the lack of light and the silence disturbed Finn. He turned the corner and nearly collided with Bellamy, who was standing in the middle of the cave. There was no one else there. Whatever things Lincoln had had laying around was gone and there was no trace that no one ever had lived here.

"She's gone," Bellamy said brokenly and when he turned to look at Finn there was tears streaming down his face. "She's not here, I... Fuck, she's really gone. It's all my fault if my leg had healed faster she wouldn't be alone right now and she'd be here, with me, and I..." He drew a long, shaky breath and when he opened his mouth again his voice was wrecked. "I'm all alone again."

"No," Finn said fervently, "Don't you dare say that." He walked up to Bellamy and grabbed a hold of his hands, but Bellamy shook Finn off him. "We will find Octavia, she would never leave without giving you a chance to find her. We will find her and then we'll save the others. And you are _not_ alone." He grabbed Bellamy's face in hands and forced him to look at him. "You're not alone," he breathed and his mind echoed back to when Clarke had told him the same thing.

Finn closed the gap between them. He tasted salt on Bellamy's lips and licked them up to remove any trace of sadness left in Bellamy's heart. He twisted his hands into Bellamy's hair and pulled him even closer. Bellamy responded by wrapping his arms around Finn's waist. Hands searched their way underneath Finn's shirt and Finn couldn't help the moan that escaped him. He let his hands fall from Bellamy's hair and they pulled at the worn out jacket covering Bellamy's shoulders. Fabric was pulled away, exposing Bellamy's neck and Finn dipped down and bit down on the fragile skin. Bellamy's knees buckled and Finn quickly pulled him close. On hand was low on Bellamy's waist and the other twisted itself into Bellamy's shirt.

"Finn," Bellamy breathed and Finn was snapped back into reality. He pulled back from the crook of Bellamy's neck and found himself stare into tear stained eyes. Finn took a deep breath and lifted a hand to gently caress Bellamy's cheek. Bellamy closed his eyes and leaned into the soft touch, and the weariness and sorrow etched into his face made Finn wonder how long Bellamy had to fight, how much weight he had to carry on his shoulders before he finally crumbled. He silently rubbed the pad of his thumb across Bellamy's bottom lip and licked his own as Bellamy's mouth fell open. He leaned in slowly and placed a gentle, chaste kiss on Bellamy's lips. "You're not alone," Finn mumbled against his mouth. "And we'll find her."

Bellamy didn't reply, but he opened his mouth to accept yet another kiss from Finn, so he counted it as a win.


	7. how would it feel to place your hand in mine?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> things doesn't change that much... or at all.

Bellamy was gone.

That was the only thing Finn noticed when he woke up the following morning. He was off the ground in an instant and looked around the cave in a frenzy. "Bellamy?" he shouted and stumbled out of the cave. " _Bellamy?_ " When there was no response Finn felt his panic grow and he looked around, but there was no trace of Bellamy anywhere. Finn felt his heart drum against his ribcage. He tried to make sense of why they would grab Bellamy and not him, why not kill them immediately. Just as he was about to take off in a sprint in the first direction he could think of, there was rustling to his left and Bellamy came into view.

"What?" he called out gruffly and Finn released his breath with a loud _'whoosh'_.

"You were gone," he said and the relief was quickly replaced by anger. He met Bellamy halfway and shoved harshly at his chest. Bellamy was so taken by surprise that he took a step back. "You said we wouldn't leave each other alone, that we couldn't afford it and you did it anyway." His eyes were drawn to Bellamy's neck and the angry blue bruise from where the noose had hung were mixed in with traces of Finn's lips. He felt his resolve soften, but quickly shook his head to make his mind clear. Well, clearer.

Bellamy had a deep frown on his face and he shook Finn off him with his lips pressed together. "I was thinking about what you said," he said roughly. "You know, last..." he stopped himself and took a deep breath without looking at Finn, "Last night. About Octavia leaving a trail. I wanted to see if you were right."

Finn felt his anger subside, not fully, but enough for him to focus on why they were there. "And?" he asked, "Did you find anything?" He tried to keep his voice neutral, but he had a feeling he wasn't doing a very good job. He finally understood why Bellamy had been so upset when Finn had wandered off last time. They needed each other to survive. Bellamy shook his head painfully. "Nothing," he said quietly. "But... I'm not very good at this tracking stuff." He didn't say anything else but looked pointedly at Finn. Finn felt the corners of his mouth tug up into a small smile and he cleared his throat awkwardly to not let Bellamy see.

"Well, let's see what we can find. Stay back," he added to Bellamy who was right behind him, "We don't want you messing up the area more than you've probably already done." Bellamy huffed loudly and Finn threw a small grin his way. He searched the area around the cave and after a few minutes he found a possible trail. It might have been nothing, if it hadn't been for the white flower left next to it. The same flower Lincoln had used to leave for Octavia.

He showed Bellamy what he had found and barley had time to get their bags before Bellamy pulled him in the direction of the trail. They walked in silence, but Finn caught Bellamy sneaking glances at him every so often. Though that might have been because Finn had troubles keeping his eyes of Bellamy. There was something tentative in the air between them that Finn wasn't anxious to break. Neither of them had mentioned what had happened the night before, but Bellamy would sometimes lift his hand to his neck to press down on the bruises Finn had left. When he realised what he was doing his hand would quickly drop to his side with a blush heating his cheeks. Finn would quickly have to look away to not show Bellamy the goofy smile that would cover his face.

Finn had to compliment Octavia's dedication. The trail of flowers were consistent. She seemed intent on her brother finding her. "They couldn't have gotten that far," Bellamy commented after a while. "Right? Octavia was injured when they left and even if Lincoln carried her he still would've had to take breaks. We could catch up with them... Right?" He sounded so small that Finn didn't have the heart to tell them that they were probably days after Octavia. Even if they walked through the night they still had no idea where they were going and Finn wasn't sure how long Lincoln would let Octavia wait for her brother, if he let her at all.

-

They walked for hours and the sun was high on the sky, until it finally settled and embraced them in a soft, pink glow. Finn told Bellamy that there was no way they would find either Octavia or the trail in the dark, and Bellamy begrudgingly agreed. They found a cave not too far from the trail and with the gun raised high Finn searched through every possible hiding place he could find inside while Bellamy stood guard outside. It was relatively small, big enough for maybe three people to lay down in, but it would work perfectly for the two of them that night.

They sat down opposite each other and their knees knocked into each other. In the dim light, where the opening was their only source of light, Bellamy's eyes were dark as they found Finn's. Suddenly everything seemed so strained. The easy conversation that had flowed between them during the day had stopped and they couldn't seem to say anything at all. Finn wanted to lean forward and kiss Bellamy's lips, but he didn't know what would happen if he did. Instead he opened his pack and tossed a pack of food at Bellamy, who accepted it gratefully. They ate in silence, and Finn tried not to notice Bellamy's long fingers grip the bag or the memories they brought back.

"We might as well sleep," Bellamy said clearly, and his voice made Finn snap out of his thoughts.

They laid down next to each other, but tonight Finn made a point of facing Bellamy instead of curling up with his back against him. Bellamy was way too close, had he always been this close and had Finn been to enraptured by Bellamy's heart against his back to notice? He wasn't sure he wanted to know. But Bellamy's breath caressed his hair and made it stroke across his cheek. It was getting long again.

Finn had never been one for shutting up, but for some reason he didn't know how to say what he wanted to say. Instead he did what he always did with Bellamy, he reacted before thinking. He reached out his hand and wrapped it loosely around Bellamy's throat. His thumb came out to rub at the bruises covering Bellamy's skin and he felt the throat work under the palm of his hand. Finn breathed heavily as he stroked the brittle skin and his eyes flickered between Bellamy's throat and his eyes, and they were half closed by that point. That was what made him reluctantly pull away.

He removed his hand and couldn't help but notice the way Bellamy's eyes followed. He grabbed ahold of his shirt to make them stay in place and leaned back slightly, to put space between him and Bellamy before he did something stupid. But Bellamy's hand shot out and grasped Finn's wrist. Finn looked at him in slight surprise and Bellamy had a strange look on his face. It looked almost like affection.

"It's still warmer if we huddle together," he said quietly and Finn felt his face relax into a small smile.

"Yeah," he replied. "It is."


	8. things aren't that much different after all

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things change and maybe it changes for the worst. But sometimes it ends up being for the better.

Bellamy woke him up before the sun had fully settled in the sky and Finn couldn't help but smile at the eagerness he seemed to show. He rushed Finn out of the cave within five minutes and practically pressed his head into the dirt until he found the trail again. Finn felt as light as Bellamy did, now that they knew Octavia was waiting at the end of the trail. They could almost taste it.

About five minutes after they started Bellamy tripped and twisted his knee. He hissed out in pain as he tried to clean the scratches and Finn reached out to take a look at the knee. "Do you want me to kiss it better?" It came out so naturally that Finn wouldn't have noticed anything weird about it if it wasn't for the way Bellamy froze underneath his palm. He went back, replayed the words and tried to figure out a way to minimize the damage. But just as he opened his mouth Bellamy relaxed and gave out a quiet chuckle.

"Idiot," he said and swatted Finn over his head. He was up from the ground moments later, leaving it up to Finn to follow. He got up off the ground and jogged to catch up with Bellamy. His fingers trailed against the fabric of Bellamy's jacket as he passed him to lead the way.

-

Finn was tired. They had been following the trail for hours, and it seem as if it would keep going forever. Bellamy's optimism was starting to fade and Finn hated the weight that seemed to press down on his shoulders, making him hunch over. Bellamy should be standing tall, overly confident and sometimes arrogant in his need to be the best. It was what worked for him, and it was what made Finn notice him.

"Hey," he said over his shoulder. "We should rest for a while. I know you want to keep going," he added as Bellamy opened his mouth in protest, "But we won't be any good dehydrated and exhausted. Sit down." Bellamy muttered to himself as he complied and he gratefully swallowed the water Finn handed to him. They sat in silence, Finn's legs thrown over Bellamy's, and traded a pack of berries and dried meat between them. Finn was painfully aware of the hole growing in his stomach and he knew that soon the berries wouldn't be enough. They needed real food. Bellamy's cheeks were already hollowing and he had dark bags under his eyes. He guessed that if he caught a reflection of himself he would look just about the same. Sick.

"You know, when we find them I'm gonna force Lincoln to feed me until I throw up," Finn said casually and threw a berry up in the air. He caught it in his mouth and smiled teasingly at Bellamy, who shook his head in amusement.

"Whatever," Bellamy replied, "Just don't expect me to take care of you when you feel miserable."

Finn rolled his eyes and let out a gasp in mock offense. "You're hurting my feelings, Bellamy," he said sarcastically, "How will I ever survive without you?" Bellamy huffed, but there was a smile lining his lips. He raised his hand to swat Finn over the head again, but this time Finn was quicker. Just as Bellamy's hand was about to connect with his head he caught it in his own. Bellamy's hand was rough against his own and he threaded his fingers through Bellamy's long and bony ones. He felt his heart in his throat and it scared him to know that anything Bellamy asked of him at that moment would be something he couldn't refuse.

"Finn," Bellamy said slowly, and Finn looked at him with a sense of dread for what was coming next. Bellamy's eyes were dark and searching as they raked over Finn's face, caressing the slant of his nose and bend of his lips. Finn licked the subconsciously and felt a sense of victory as Bellamy's gaze stumbled. He was glad he wasn't the only one. "Are you planning on holding my hand for the rest of the day?"

Finn's mouth dropped and he felt his entire body relax as Bellamy let out a smirk. He let go of Bellamy's hand, determinedly not missing it, and jumped to his feet. "Asshole," he mumbled, cheeks red and helped Bellamy to get on his feet. Bellamy laughed and patted him heavily on the back.

"That's my best quality," he said and then they were off.

-

The flowers stopped just as the sky turned pink. Finn stopped in front of the single white flower and nearly tumbled over as Bellamy walked into him. "What's wrong?" he asked and then immediately stopped as he noticed the lack of flowers to lead them on. "What does this mean?" he asked Finn who couldn't do much more than shrug.

"I don't know," he replied. "Maybe they... stopped?" He was aware of how stupid he sounded but he couldn't help but look around. There had to be something he had missed. There was a mountain to their right and endless forest everywhere else. Finn squinted at the mountain, eyes trailing over every inch of moss covered stone, demanding answers. He almost missed it. A branch covered a small opening in the mountain and it was so subtle that if he hadn't been looking for it he would've never guessed it was there.

"Bellamy," he said lowly and pointed at the opening. Bellamy stood pressed up against him and his breath tickled Finn's ear. Then he shoved Finn aside as he sprinted toward the opening. Finn swore quietly and ran after him as fast as he could. He pressed through the opening and grabbed ahold of Bellamy. "Bellamy," he hissed. "We don't know what's waiting in here. You can't just fucking run straight into it."

"She's here," Bellamy whispered back and turned his head to face Finn in the dark light. His lips grazed Finn's cheek. "I know she is." Finn didn't understand how he could, but he also knew that Bellamy wouldn't leave until they searched through every inch of the cave. The moved slower though, creeping through the tunnel deeper into the mountain. Finn realised a while later that his hand was still gripping Bellamy's firmly. He couldn't find it in him to let go.

Voices could be heard softly echoing through the tunnel from ahead and both of them froze as they came to the end of the tunnel. Around the corner they could see two figures huddled together, in a deep conversation.

"I still think we should leave-"

"Lincoln, I'm telling you, Bellamy will get here. I'm not leaving until my brother is here." They could hear an impatient huff and that's what all Bellamy needed to dash around the corner.

"Octavia!"

"Bellamy?"

Finn turned the corner to follow Bellamy and found the siblings with their arms around each other. Their shoulders were shaking and Octavia's knuckles were white were she was gripping Bellamy tightly. Finn met Lincoln's eyes from across the cave and he nodded with a small smile. Bellamy was whispering into Octavia's ears and Finn was polite enough to not try and listen in. It wasn't for him to hear.

"You're alive," Octavia breathed and pulled away slightly from the embrace. Her hands came to caress Bellamy's face, and Finn was filled with an endless amount of jealousy. He would never know what it felt to love someone like that. Octavia continued to touch Bellamy, as if to reassure herself that it wasn't a dream, before her eyes flickered over to were Finn was standing.

"Finn," she exclaimed and hobbled over to him, "Fucking a! I knew you would be to stubborn to die!" Finn couldn't help but smile as she threw her arms around him as well.

"Well, I would've hated to be a disappointment," he said and hugged her back. The relief in his heart made his body feel heavy with the need to rest. It finally felt like some good had happened. "And I see you're still fighting," he continued and she huffed as she rolled her eyes.

"Please, I'm amazing," she said and that was the end of it.

-

They spent the entire evening telling Octavia what had happened after she had left with Lincoln and Octavia took in all the new information with huge, round eyes. She frowned in displeasure as they told her they had no idea if their friends were alive, but her hand wouldn't let go of Bellamy's. Finn sat opposite them, on the other side of the fire Lincoln had started, and felt extremely cold. After they were done talking and preparing to go to sleep Finn walked out of the cave to get some fresh air. He picked up a twig off the ground and started to break it into pieces.

There was rustling behind him and he immediately recognised Bellamy's presence next to him.

"You're awfully quiet for someone who always has something to say," Bellamy said and Finn snorted.

"I'm just thinking," he said slowly and threw the rest of the twig on the ground. He didn't know why he felt bitter. This was a good thing. Octavia was alive, Bellamy was happy and Finn was... Alone.

"What's wrong?" Bellamy asked quietly and Finn tried to block out the thing that told him Bellamy cared. It would be easier if he didn't. He turned to his side and looked at Bellamy. He seemed much healthier than he had been that morning and Finn wondered if that was what hope did for people.

"It's not that I'm not happy, I am," he said and winced at how selfish he sounded. "I'm happy Octavia is okay." It was the truth, he really was.

"I know that things are different now," Finn said and tried to ignore the lump forming in his throat. "And that's okay, I mean I understand. You have Octavia now." _I'm alone_ was unspoken, but it echoed throughout the forest. "I don't want you to feel like you have to..." He trailed off to take a deep breath. "I understand, is what I'm saying," he said finally and he didn't stay around for Bellamy to answer. He walked into the cave, passed Lincoln on the way and tried not to feel foolish and embarrassed by the fact that Lincoln must've heard everything. He said goodnight to Octavia with a hand on her shoulder and couldn't help but feel grateful that she was alive and well. She was important to him too, after all. He wondered if that was his punishment in life. Being head-over-heels enamored with the Blakes.

He fell asleep quickly, but woke a little while later from Bellamy's arm slowly wrapping itself around Finn's torso. The cave was completely silent, except for Bellamy's embarrassed muttering. "Has anyone ever told you that you talk way too much?" Finn smiled against Bellamy's arm. It shouldn't have been enough, but, somehow, it was.


	9. you feel like home against my chest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everybody knows and they're really not that subtle.

Finn woke up with Bellamy's arms around him and smiled slightly until he looked up and found Octavia smirking at him. "Slept well?" she asked innocently. He raised himself on the back of his arms and blushed heavily. She let out a grin and got up on her feet. "Come on," she said and motioned for him to follow. He squirmed his way out of Bellamy's arms and out of the cave. Octavia was waiting for him deeper into the woods, and he sat down next to her in the wild grass.

He studied her profile as she pulled strands of grass out of the earth. He wondered what she had been thinking these past few weeks, with no idea of what had happened to her friends. Her family. 

"So..." she said and Finn braced himself. "People from the Ark, huh?" Finn had been so certain she would mention Bellamy that he didn't understand what she was talking about. She raised an eyebrow and he shook his head. "Oh, yeah. Exciting stuff."

She leaned her head back and let out a laugh. "Yeah, a fucking thrill," she said and tossed the grass to the side. "Bellamy must've loved it. Getting to share you with everyone else." Finn frowned at her and she let out a sigh. "Never mind. What were they like?" 

He shrugged. "I might have gotten really cynical these past few weeks but they annoyed me greatly." Octavia laughed again and looked at him with sparkles in her eyes. "I don't know," he continued. "Things are more complicated than ever. The Ark is on the ground, our friends are captured and Bellamy..." he trailed off and ignored Octavia as she looked at him with a small smile. "Things are different," he finished with a sigh. Octavia nodded slowly and looked out at the forest around them.

"Do you know how they found me?" she asked and when Finn looked at her her lips was pressed down into a thin line. "Bellamy he... let me leave our room one day. It was the unity day masquerade dance and he. He was so excited. He was on guard duty and thought he could let me out without anything going wrong. The alarm went off and we had to show our identifications. I tried to run." She paused and looked at him with a crooked, sad smile. "I don't... I'm not angry at him for doing it. I was miserable, he could see that. I would've done something reckless eventually. It was a lose lose situation."

They sat in silence for a while and Finn tried to understand why Octavia had told him this. He tried to imagine it. Everything seemed so much clearer with this piece of information. The way Bellamy hovered over Octavia. The ruthless way he protected her and the way he seemed to stop breathing when Octavia was in danger. It made Finn fall even deeper into the mess that was his feelings for Bellamy Blake. "He will never forgive himself," Octavia mumbled lowly. "He hates himself for it... And it changed him. He's so different from what I remember, and still... there are things so uniquely Bel that it hurts." She looked at him, and a smile was playing at her face again. "You seem to... make him happy, happier. He doesn't seem as sad anymore."

There it was. The first time someone had acknowledged the fact that he and Bellamy wasn't just friends. And he didn't want to admit that it terrified him. Because he didn't know if he would be able to go back to the way things used to be. And he didn't know what would happen if they didn't. 

"We have to go back," he said instead. Octavia stayed silent and he could see her shoulders tighten. He wondered what she was thinking. That they were safe, that they were finally getting away from all the death and pain and that maybe they had a chance at happiness like this. That they were cowards if they didn't do anything. She looked at him, eyes filled with resolve.

"I know."

-

After Octavia got into a long and tiring argument with Lincoln when she said they were going back they packed up their stuff and left. Lincoln trailed after Octavia like a puppy, but fell a few steps behind when Bellamy came up to his sister and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. Instead he walked next to Finn in silence as they trekked back the same way Finn and Bellamy had come the day before. He towered next to Finn and his silence did nothing to help Finn with the constant stream of thoughts in his mind.

"You like him," he said simply and Finn wondered how obvious it really was. If he walked around with a note taped to his back that said 'completely gone for Bellamy Blake'. He shrugged noncommittally and watched the siblings shove at each other further ahead. Octavia could be heard complaining and it was overshadowed by Bellamy's laughter. Finn felt his mouth tug up into a small smile. Lincoln's voice pierced through his focus.

"He is too selfish, too rude. He's not a good man," Lincoln said and a flare of anger coursed through Finn.

"You don't know him," he said and Lincoln cast a glance at him. He didn't add anything else, but sped up his steps so that he wouldn't have to talk to Lincoln anymore.

They stopped next to a small river to get some rest and for the first time that day Bellamy came up to Finn. "Hi," he said quietly and gave him a small smile. His shoulder brushed up against Finn's and his hand brushed the back of Finn's hand once, twice, before it settled against the skin.

"How are you?" Finn asked and realised that that was probably the first time he had ever asked Bellamy that question. Bellamy shrugged and didn't answer immediately. He chewed on some berries and looked out over the stream with disinterest.

"I don't know," he said then and looked at Finn, before quickly looking away. "I... guess I'm happy. That Octavia's safe. I know we have to go back to save the others, but I don't want her to get hurt." He scratched the back of his head and ate some more berries.

"Bellamy, you couldn't keep Octavia away from this. No matter how much you tried." Bellamy hummed in agreement and gave him a tired smile.

"It's crazy. Seems like a lifetime ago when we first stepped out of the dropship," he said and Finn hummed in agreement. He counted the days, recounted them and wondered how he could have missed it.

"We came down to earth fifty two days ago," he said slowly and shrugged when Bellamy looked at him with a raised eyebrow. "It's my birthday. I'm eighteen." He didn't know how to feel. Half the time he felt too small for his body and helpless like a child and the rest of the time he felt too old and weary, like he had been living three times his age. He dropped the back pack on the ground and went down to the stream.

When they went to sleep that night Finn offered to take first watch, but Lincoln stared him down and told him to go to sleep. So he curled up with Bellamy again, close enough to the small fire so that they wouldn't get cold, but far enough away that it felt like they had some sort of privacy. Finn was on his back and Bellamy was lined up against him on his side. Around twenty minutes after they laid down Bellamy's hand came to rest on Finn's chest. Palm across his heart and his heart pounded against his ribcage hard enough for Finn to wonder if it was about to burst through his chest. Suddenly he hated Bellamy for making him feel like this, but it changed when he felt Bellamy's fingers rub against the fabric of his shirt. He closed his eyes and let his face clear up into a small smile.

Bellamy's hand trailed upward and gently grasped Finn's chin. Finn let him turn his head toward Bellamy and felt his mouth fall open when the pad of Bellamy's thumb touched his bottom lip. He looked at Bellamy, who was staring back at him with a nervous look on his face. 

"Happy birthday," Bellamy said in a breathless whisper and pulled Finn close.

The kiss was short and sweet and left Finn breathless. And when Finn closed his eyes he couldn't help but smile. It felt like a promise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so... this is the end. for now. another part will come in the future.


End file.
